I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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