I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
