ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
