sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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