I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
