My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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