im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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