If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
