curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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