Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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