Grow some girl-balls and come out already
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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