It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
