we made out on top of his cat.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
