I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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