In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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