just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
