He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
