Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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