just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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