trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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