Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
