Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
