There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
