I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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