those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
