Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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