Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
