Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
