Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
