my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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