just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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