i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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