I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
