My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
