It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
