I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
