she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
