Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
