Do you still have your period?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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