i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
