Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
