Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
