i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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