whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
