So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
