3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
