I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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