I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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