Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
