I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
