There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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