he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
