if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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