just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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