I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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