Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
