the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
