I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
