is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
