Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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