yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
