One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
