I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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